Who Are You Attracting?
There are countless magazines, articles, and blogs talking all about “What Men Want”. It’s almost impossible to get your groceries at the checkout line without seeing magazine titles listing the “secret” of what it takes to attract a man. But have you ever stopped to wonder what kind of man you are attracting? Magazine articles aside, most of us learn about what it takes to attract someone through what our family and friends tell us, combined with what we think should work, sprinkled with what the world tells us works. Disney movies and romance novels I’m sure have a big impact as well. With all this advice being thrown around I don’t think the right question is, “Does it work”? I think the question to ask is, “What kind of man does it attract”?
For the Christian woman who wants to find a godly man... you need to start thinking about what a man who loves Jesus is attracted to in a woman! What qualifies me to talk about this subject? Well, I am a single guy in my late 20’s who loves Jesus more than anything in this world. And I’m not going to give you some philosophical argument or theological doctrine because lets face it...we’ve all heard that before. I’m going to tell you the truth. And I think it may surprise you.
But before we begin I think it’s important to use an analogy to shed some light on this matter. We’ve all heard the old saying, “There’s plenty of fish in the sea”. Usually said by some older well-‐ intentioned person trying to soften a blow of rejection for us. But for our purposes we are going to use the idea that finding someone is like fishing. Because catching someone’s attention uses the same principles as fishing. If you’ve ever been fishing before you know that three things are important. First is the location of where you are fishing. If you’re looking for trout in a pond full of goldfish then you can fish for eternity and you aren’t going to catch a trout. Second is the timing. There are times early in the morning when the fish are biting, and other times when they are not. Third is the bait. You always use bait with the fish you want to catch in mind. If you want a specific kind of fish, you need to know what bait that fish likes.
Attracting a guy is sort of like this. First off you need to know that generally speaking you aren’t going to find a man passionate about Jesus in a club or bar. Now there are exceptions to this, but these are not the ponds you’ll usually find them in! So you need to consider where you are “fishing”. A night out with the girls downtown is going to be much less likely to find him than perhaps a social church gathering or bible study. Think about what type of activities a godly man would be doing. If you go do those things and you might run into him! But remember not to look too hard because that would mean you aren’t looking at Jesus. And I promise that Jesus is a million times better than he is! You will never “miss out” by focusing and going after Jesus. In fact it should be Jesus in him that really gets your attention!
Secondly is timing.
If you are praying for God to lead that special guy into you’re life, it may be that he is still maturing in Christ. Meaning this... you want to end up with a Man of God. Not a boy. Age has nothing to do with this. Nobody wants to be married to a boy who doesn’t know who he is in Christ or who doesn’t know who you are in Christ. (By the way, the Bible says some pretty amazing things about you that he needs to believe about you). While I don’t see anything about soul-‐mates in the bible...I believe that God does have someone chosen for us. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord...” God already has a plan for your life! Which means he also has a plan for who your husband will be. That doesn’t necessarily mean it is a guaranteed deal though. God lets us make choices with our lives and gives us the free will to choose His best for us or to choose our own way. But you can be sure he has someone in mind for you! It therefore may be possible that at this moment that he might not be ready to meet you. Have you ever considered that? This is why it is important to trust God and not stress or strive in your own flesh. Psalm 37:7 says, “Be still and rest in the Lord; wait for Him and patiently lean yourself upon Him...” Being at peace is a sure sign you are trusting in Him. Anxiety is a sign that you are not!
The third and perhaps most vital piece is the bait. Every human being puts out “bait”. Whether they realize it or not everyone does things, wears things, says things, ect that are going to attract or not attract others. It doesn’t matter if you are aware of this or not, it is still in effect. The same way you could accidentally put your fishing bait in the water without realizing and get a nibble! So it then is important that you are aware of what bait you are using. If you are dressing like a prostitute, don’t be surprised when you attract guys who just want to get physical. That’s the wrong bait. Now don’t get me wrong here. Having style and knowing how to dress well is important because guys do notice appearances. All guys. Yes, even men who love Jesus! There is nothing wrong with looking nice and knowing how to compliment your features but don’t focus too much on it. Because godly men want so much more than just good looks!
I will tell you the truth. During my life what has attracted me to women has drastically changed as my relationship with Jesus has changed. Growing up as a teenager I considered myself a Christian but my relationship with the Lord was pretty shallow. Because of this, what I looked for in a girl was also pretty shallow. Looks with maybe a sprinkling of personality were enough for me. Flashy girls would really draw my attention. Over time my relationship with the Lord became deeper and it became important to me that a potential girlfriend would share my faith. I was still very much looking into looks first, personality was a plus, and if she even hinted at being a Christian I didn’t much look into it any deeper. Why? This was a reflection of where I was in my relationship with God; focused on the things of the world with my walk with God being in the background.
Fast-‐forward a few years to where I am now. My relationship with the Lord has exploded. I no longer feel it’s enough to say I’m a Christian, because that wouldn’t be strong enough for me. I burn with passion for Jesus. He is my everything. He is the Lord of my life. I prefer to say I am in love with Jesus! I worship Him. Because of this everything has changed in what attracts me to a woman.
Now when I see a girl deep in worship; hands lifted in desperate adoration to the King of Kings...it captivates me. I can’t look away! It’s beautiful. When I hear her talk with excitement about what the Lord is doing in her life, she grabs my attention. I can’t turn away. When she shows others the love of Christ, laying down her own interests for the interests of others, I am enthralled.
It is Christ shining brightly inside of her that I am attracted to. There is no one more beautiful than Jesus. No one more captivating, mysterious, or amazing. So when I see a woman blazing in the light and love of the Holy Spirit I am helpless against the tremendous attraction that builds for her. It is powerful! And I can tell when a girl is trying to make it look like her relationship with God is deeper than it is in the attempt to attract a Christian guy. It’s not the same. It has to be sincere and authentic. Don’t use God to pursue a husband. Pursue God for God! It will change your life!
Now do I still notice when a woman is attractive? Of course I do; but only for a glance. It no longer captivates me like it used to. In fact it can be quite boring. There are plenty of pretty girls in the world. But how many girls shine like the sun because of His presence in her? THAT is much more rare and more beautiful! Proverbs 31:10 says it like this, “An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth if far above jewels...”
So let me bring all this in for us. My point in saying all of this is that if you truly want to find a man who is passionately in love with Jesus... YOU being passionately in love with Jesus is the ONLY bait that will attract him! Stop fishing with the wrong bait. You can do all these things that the world says to do to attract a man and believe me...it will work. But you will get a worldly man. Burn with passion for Jesus and godly men will come for miles to see you burn! And one of those men will be the husband the Lord has prepared for you in advance. So focus on your relationship with the Lord and you’re passion for Jesus will be the bait. Let it be real. Let it be dangerous. That fire will be irresistible to him. I know it is to me!
Remember to not force anything, let God’s timing work and be patient. And make sure you are in the right pond!
I’ll tell you a secret:
Psalm 23:1-‐2 “The Lord is my Shepard, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me by the still waters.” The still water is the right pond! Follow Jesus and he will lead you there!